shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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