i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I AM VODKA MAN
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
