I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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