Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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