There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
