We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize