You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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