Jerry, you need to find god
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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