Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
