Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
