I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
