Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
