What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
