tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
