I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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