i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
