Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
