god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
