I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
