you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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