i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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