I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
