Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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