Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
