My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
