omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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