Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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