If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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