Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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