It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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