my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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