I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
