Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
