just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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