Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
