How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
