dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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