I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
