The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she peed on how many people?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
