I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
