my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
