pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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