I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
