My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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