highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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