Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
