She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
