We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
