Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
