Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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