i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
