Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Less talking, more tequila
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh god it's open bar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
