I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
