This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
