this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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