Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
