peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
