bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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