If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize