The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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