Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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