I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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