omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
