Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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