So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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