Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
