its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
