First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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