Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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