Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
