I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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