Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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