Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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