Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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