she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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